"The Winter of my Discontent..."

“We do not aim just to control behavior, but to change the inner castle of the soul, that God may be worshiped ‘in spirit and in truth’ and right behavior cease to be a performance.” Dallas Willard ~The Divine Conspiracy

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

Wow, the last month or so has seemed like a whirlwind. I can hardly believe that August is almost over and here I am writing yet another long overdue update. Actually, I have a confession to make…I started writing this about 2 weeks ago, and just haven’t been able to finish it…please forgive the delay. Although at home June, July and August are our summer months, here it is the time of the year that is cooler due to the rainy season, so I’ve been enjoying (sort of) the “winter”, although I wish I had some warmer clothes, and it makes me wonder how I’ll handle snow the next time I face it… So much has been happening lately here…in the last month we have had an ordination, a Speech and Prize-Giving Day (for a school of over 900 children), Discipleship Training School starting back up, trips to the orphanages, a training Seminar for teachers and parents at the school, a children’s day camp, about a hundred other little things, and birthdays galore (including mine a couple weeks ago, thanks to everyone who wished me well). Even a couple of weeks ago when things are “slower”, I found myself running around on a Monday to arrange a surprise for a friend’s birthday. At times I look at the calendar and I’m surprised to see how quickly time is passing, so that without even realizing it three months have passed since I was home last.

In the midst of all this activity, though, I’ve been learning so much about myself, others and God. I wish I could really explain all that I’ve been seeing and hearing and learning, but that would take so many pages, I’m afraid you would all fall asleep at your computer screens trying to get through it all. So instead let me focus on one thing that is becoming abundantly clear to me lately.

I am not content.

Probably you’re wondering now, “Does that mean she’s not happy? Is she coming back to the States? Is she going somewhere else?” I’m not talking about discontent with where I am or what I am doing, with the things I have or the people I know. What I mean to say is that I am not content to stay the same and not grow, not press on, not push deeper into the things of God. Lately I’ve really been feeling a growing discontent with the status quo of faith. I don’t want to simply say, “God’s grace has given me forgiveness of sins,” and go on sinning. I don’t want to say, “I’m doing okay, at least I’m not as bad as that guy. I’m not as ignorant of God as that person.” By no means do I want my life to simply be okay. I want my life to be extraordinary. I want to match up with what Paul says in Philippians 2, I want to be “blameless and pure, [a child] of God in a crooked and depraved generation, in which [I] shine like stars in the universe as [I] hold out the word of life…” I am no longer content to say, “I can’t preach, others do it better than I do, so I’ll just let them do it.” Who says I can’t preach? Who says I can’t teach God’s Word? I had an amazing experience the other day. I was invited to go speak at a children’s program in a town not too far from where our base is in Tema. One small problem—I thought it was going to be a week later than it turned out to be. So I got a call on Wednesday from the person coordinating the event asking me if I was all set for Saturday. I had a moment of complete mental panic where I thought, “I thought I would have another week to prepare, there’s no way I can be ready!” But for some reason, I said it wouldn’t be a problem. So Wednesday through Friday afternoon I was (somewhat frantically) trying to come up with some amazing talk that I could give that would really speak to the kids and the adults that were there. I came up with something, but as I was talking it over with a friend who had agreed to go with, she asked me whether it wasn’t a bit advanced for kids to grasp (which was actually exactly what I thought when I first came up with it). This was at about 9:30 pm on Friday. I went back to my room feeling so frustrated and looking at what I had prepared, trying to think of some way to adjust it. Finally I just kind of threw up my hands and asked God whether this was going to work at all. All of a sudden, I remembered a sketch we did on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic in 2005. It illustrated the parable of the lost sheep and the kids everywhere we went loved it. Then I remembered a kids’ song I learned from a friend on a trip to Mexico that sings about just wanting to be sheep, and the kids loved it. All of a sudden the ideas were flowing and I was at peace. So when it came time for me to speak the next day, I was more than ready, I was charged up! I was surprised at the emotion I felt as I talked, at the energy. As someone who has never really enjoyed public speaking, I loved this. And here’s the thing…it wasn’t me. It wasn’t me who came up with the ideas. It wasn’t me who picked what to talk about. Even the depth of feeling didn’t come from me, it came from God. And that’s the whole point…when I surrendered control and stopped trying to do it myself, God took over and used me. It is a truly humbling experience, but one that empowers at the same time.

The thing is that if I try to become more like Christ on my own power, I will fail. If I try to demonstrate the love of God to the world on my own strength, I will fail. If I try to become the woman that God created me to be on my own, I will fail. But if I give in to God, if I relinquish control, He changes me. He makes me more than I thought I could be. He takes me to places I never thought I could go. He shows me things I never thought I could see.

In a sermon I listened to recently, the Pastor said that success is contentment with what you have, while still reaching and pushing for your desires. This is actually what I am talking about. Although I am content with where God has placed me and what He has given me, I want so much to see the fulfillment of who God created me to be, to attain a measure of Christ-likeness in this life. One thing that I am so grateful for is the atmosphere in which God has placed me. Living in this community, I am surrounded by people who challenge me to grow, often without any conscious effort on their part. As I read God’s Word and look at their lives, I find myself encouraged to press on, to go deeper, and to ask myself “how am I doing in that area? How can I grow? What areas do I need to improve in? Where am I growing now? How have I changed from a year ago? Six months ago? A week ago?” Because definitely if I want to grow and change, I have to stop and take stock and make sure I’m growing right.

Having said all that let me close with one last scripture.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining on toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14

"Happy 1st of July!"

Based on the title you’re probably wondering whether I’ve forgotten national holidays in all my travels, or if maybe the hot sun has addled my brain just a little so now I subtract three from every date. Neither is true, so don’t worry…actually, as it turns out July 1^st is a national holiday for Ghana too—“Republic Day”. I haven’t gotten a clear report of what year Ghana became a republic, but apparently it happened on the first of July. Unfortunately, they don’t celebrate Republic Day the same way that we Americans celebrate our Independence Day, so I didn’t get to watch fireworks, light sparklers, watch a parade or eat massive amounts of potato salad, but I did get the day “off” and got to hang out on the base…which was nice.

The thought recently dawned on me that we’re actually halfway through 2008. This made me think about a couple things… First, my birthday is coming up pretty soon (JULY 23^RD), and second (perhaps a deeper thought…) half of another year is over—how has it gone? Remembering back to New Year’s Eve, sitting around at midnight, praying the new year in with my sister and a good friend while eating Christmas cookies sent from home. Okay, maybe the praying wasn’t simultaneous with the eating of the cookies—kinda hard to talk to God with your mouth full of coconut macaroon. Anyway, I was just thinking about how quickly time passes and how easy it is to miss it. Thinking about all the things I was praying and asking God for at the beginning of the year, how are those things going now? And I don’t mean “God please give me a husband” or “God I need money”—I mean more along the lines of ways I want to grow in Him this year, paths I’m hoping He’ll take me down, where He’s leading me. Have I been sticking to what I’ve asked Him to help me with? Am I holding up my end of the bargain? I think it’s really easy to go to God with requests and sit back and wait for a miraculous change to take place. But I think even though that’s easy to do, it’s really important to keep up with it myself. To constantly check myself to see where I’m progressing and where I’m falling behind. In Amos, there is a point where God shows Amos an image of a plumb line and a wall built true to plumb. God then tells Amos that Israel is no longer true to plumb and describes the judgment about to befall them. As someone who has worked laying blocks in Mexico I can appreciate this imagery. I know what will happen if you allow even one row to be unlevel… as you build up on unlevel blocks, the whole wall gets progressively worse and before you know it the wall is bowing out (or in) and you have to remove several rows of block that you’ve laid to be sure of the structural integrity. This is the kind of thing I mean…it’s very easy to just keep building and “eye-balling” whether you’re level or not. But if you’re off, it’s going to be a lot more work down the road to get yourself back in line than if you had been really checking and monitoring little by little as you work. It’s the same with life…what’s my plumb line (or level)? Am I checking myself against it? When I do check am I in line or do I need to go back and tear down all the ‘progress’ I thought I was making? Just something I've been thinking about lately.

In other news, it looks like we're finally getting the feeding program for the elderly off the ground, which is really exciting! Please pray for us as we really launch into this--it's an exciting time, but it also requires a lot of work and we really want this to bless the community.

Thanks for all your prayers and support,
Hope you had an awesome Independence Day!

Rachel

"When you're gone, colors seem to fade...or do they?"

"And I'll take with me the memories, To be my sunshine after the rain, It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday." Boys 2 Men

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature " 2 Peter 1:3-4b

So I’m going to be one of those people who talks all about how great it is not to be around you. What? Are there really people like that? Okay, maybe that came out wrong. Let me start over.

I remember my High School graduation. One of my fellow classmates (there were only nine of us, mind you) got up to sing the Boys II Men song “It’s so hard to say goodbye”. It was very sweet and touching, until he started to give his speech after he sang. He started out by saying, “It’s really not hard to say goodbye, it’s time to go…” Now he was right of course, we couldn’t very well stay in high school forever and the time had come for us to leave. But, man, what a way to say it! Just to boldly proclaim “It’s easy to go!” That’s how I feel lately. In case you didn’t see me there or you didn’t know, I recently took a trip home for about a month before returning to Ghana. I have to say I was really excited to get there, and enjoyed my time a lot. I got to see friends and family (including a new niece and nephew!), got to visit churches, meet with my Pastor and other spiritual mentors and take some time to rest and recoup. But to be completely honest, I was probably more excited to get back to Ghana than I had been to go home in the first place. Now, before all my family and friends stop reading and cut me off for saying that I’d rather be here than there, I love you all and I would absolutely love to be around you all the time. I just think that would work out better for me if all of you packed up and came with me :-) Something that I’ve been coming to realize is that, having once tasted of the plans God has for you, nothing else is quite as satisfactory, no matter how wonderful it may be. I would probably have said before that I knew this, or something along those lines, but there are just some things that you don’t really know until you’ve experienced them firsthand. Of course, this doesn’t mean that everyone should move to the mission field because you’ll be so much happier than you ever were before. I think most people wouldn’t love it for long periods of time, not because they’re not cut out for it…it’s just that not everyone has the same purpose in life. That’s why God made some people to be missionaries and some people to be pastors and some to be businessmen and some to be…I don’t know, astrophysicists. My point is that I’m where I’m supposed to be right now and I love it.

So what is it I love exactly? Well, lately I’ve been keeping pretty busy. We’ve made several trips to the orphanages we work with since I’ve been back…taking them food and soccer balls and just going to hang out with the kids in general. One thing that has made this in some ways even more fun for me is my new camera… While I was home someone got me a new digital SLR camera and it is totally awesome! Point being: up till now we’ve usually gotten a photographer to come on these trips so that we can send pictures to supporters who sent money to buy food or whatever the case may be. However, with that method we ended up having to scan the printed pictures before we could email them at all. So with the cost of the photographer and the hassle of scanning, it was taking a lot of time and money to get pictures. That is no longer a problem thanks to me and my new Rebel xTi--with my handy digital SLR I am now, more or less, the official photographer for…whatever. So I get to go around snapping pictures of everything that’s going on, and let’s face it, every kid loves having their picture taken so it makes me even more popular than I was before. Plus the pictures come out amazing. (Can you tell how much I love my new camera?)

Aside from trips to the orphanages, I’ve also been working on the filing system for Fountainhead Christian School. Filing can be a mess, and if anyone wants to donate filing cabinets and hanging files we will welcome them with open arms :-) We’re really looking forward to a lot of work the rest of this year, with some ministries we really want to see get off the ground before 2009 starts. I think I’ve mentioned both of these before, but two of the ministries we’re looking at starting are a prison ministry and something along the lines of a soup kitchen. The prison ministry is one I’m especially looking forward to, having heard about the conditions of prisons here and the complete lack of even the most basic necessities like toilet paper and enough food to eat. The soup kitchen is also an exciting prospect, but will definitely start slowly. We want to reach out to the elderly in Tema who might not have family that can take care of them and so can’t really get enough to eat or enough social interaction for that matter. We’re looking at starting by hosting a meal once a week or so, providing haircuts and other needs, and eventually maybe doing the meal on a more frequent basis. One of the main things to figure out is where to have this take place. We definitely have room on the base here, but whether it’s too far out of the way/too much trouble for people to get here would be the question. On top of those, the next Discipleship Training School starts up in July. We’re praying for lots of students and for God’s provision for them for their school fees, so join with us in that!

I’ve really been blessed by something over the last couple of months. In the past couple of years I’ve managed to accumulate friends that have ended up flung far and wide across the globe. Not that long ago, the only possible international call I could have considered making would have been to Mexico. But all of a sudden, I find that I have friends in Singapore, Ukraine, Tanzania, Costa Rica, Holland, Iraq, South Africa, Switzerland, Romania, Nigeria, Israel, Sierra Leone and probably some other places that I’m leaving out (if you’re there please forgive me). Most of these people are in missions in some way, and I get reports from them as to how things are going. I cannot tell you how encouraging it is to hear what God is doing all around the world. I get to read about orphans in Ukraine, Iraqis showing interest in Christ, border guards along the Gaza Strip risking their lives to bring a sick child to a waiting medical team amidst falling bombs, Bengalis hearing the Good News in a foreign country and then going back to Bangladesh, and the list goes on and on. Our God is a wonderful, caring, compassionate God and I am blown away by His love for us.

One last note before I leave you…while I was home, I did not keep up the habit I had started here of jogging every day before dawn (the earliness was more to avoid the heat of the sun than any great ambition of mine). This was a very, very, very big mistake. Can I just say that if you have started exercising regularly (or any other disciplined activity for that matter) you should NEVER stop for a month at a time. It’s a lot harder to get going again once you’ve stopped and you often have to start back on a lower level than where you left off. That being said, I have started back up and am now just trying to get up earlier… seriously, by 6:40 the sun is up in almost full force and you get tired a lot quicker.

Grace and Peace to you all!

Rachel

An incomplete thought...

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope that everyone who reads this (and those that don't too) has a great day and experiences a little bit more the love God has for you. I've been thinking a lot lately about the Kingdom of God...due in part to some sermons I downloaded, in part to a book I'm reading and also because it's just been on my mind (I'm guessing that's a good thing). Today, in honor of Valentine's Day, I've been thinking about the love aspect of that kingdom. Specifically, trying to think about how the world would be different if half of us who claim citizenship in the Kingdom of God truly operated in the Love that God pours out on us and should then be poured out onto others. The thought alone boggles the mind (I've always loved that expression by the way, but don't get enough chances to slip it into conversation). Just so no one thinks I'm going on some super-spiritual ego trip over here, I'm by no means claiming to be operating in the love of God myself. If I'm honest, then I think at best I really get to that place only rarely and for short periods of time, but I think God is starting to open my eyes to the possibilities...
--Everyday I walk past a small house where three little girls start jumping up and down at the sight of me saying "Obruni, Obruni!" ("white person, white person"). I've always waved and responded, "Obibini, etiseyn?" ("black person, how are you?"--not offensive as it might be in the States) and enjoyed the excited response, in English "I'm fine, thank you, and you?" (this cannot be truly appreciated in written form unless you've heard it from countless Ghanaian children with the exact same intonation). Lately, I've started crossing the road and shaking their hands across the gutter, and am thinking about the next step closer...
--Orphanage ministry here remains the best part of any day or week, except for the part when we leave...
--Looking at starting a ministry to prisons. This means bringing things like toilet paper and food to the inmates...a very different experience to be a prisoner here than in the States...

As the title of this post says, this is an incomplete thought, about to be less complete than I had planned because my time at the internet cafe is almost up...

God bless you all, I appreciate your prayers and concern (and letters and emails too!)
~Rachel